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People often think only of physical acts when they hear the term "abuse." However, physical violence is just one example of such behaviour. As every situation is unique, so are the types and signs of abuse. Domestic violence does not conform to a single mould, nor is there a checklist that one must meet in its entirety. Perpetrators often introduce abusive tendencies gradually and may intermittently have good moments. There will be days when they say and do the right things. This is exceptionally difficult to navigate and is intended to give you illusory hope.
Remember, an abuser having a good day is still an abuser. 

flock of birds flying
flock of birds flying
flock of birds flying
flock of birds flying

Types of Abuse

Physical

Physical abuse is any intentional, unwanted contact with you or something close to your body, or any behaviour that causes or has the intention of causing you injury, disability, or death. Examples of physical abuse include but are not limited to scratching, punching, choking, kicking, biting, throwing items at you, pushing you or forcibly grabbing you, threatening to use a weapon against you, preventing you from leaving or forcing you to go somewhere.

Neglect

Failing to provide necessary care, assistance, guidance or attention that causes, or is reasonably likely to cause you physical, mental or emotional harm or substantial damage to or loss of assets. If your partner has a legal or social responsibility to care for and to support you if you cannot meet these needs on your own, neglect happens when they fail to live up to that responsibility. Neglect can be active (intentional) or passive (lack of knowledge, experience, or ability). Examples of neglect include failing to provide adequate nutrition, clothing, personal care, safe and comfortable conditions, a clean environment, transportation to necessary appointments, and occasional outings at the least. Neglect also encompasses leaving incapacitated people alone too long and abandonment or failing to remain with those who need help.

Economic

The terms Economic and Financial Abuse are often used interchangeably, however, financial abuse can be thought of as a subcategory of economic abuse. The three sub-types of economic abuse are Economic Control (preventing your knowledge of money in bank accounts or loans in your name), Employment Sabotage (preventing you from obtaining or maintaining employment and limiting your working hours), and the third is Economic Exploitation (for example, taking advantage of your good credit to obtain a loan). Economic abuse involves using money to control your current and future actions, and your freedom of choice. Behaviours such as exerting control over your income or ability to earn an income, dictating your spending and misusing bank accounts, and coercing you into debt through loans in your name and unpaid bills. Abusers use these tactics to create economic instability and dependency on them making it significantly more difficult for you to escape.

Spiritual

Typically, spiritual abuse uses faith, religion, or beliefs to gain control over you. It can involve coercion, control, or exploitation in a spiritual context, and may include aspects of verbal, emotional, and/or physical violence. Signs consist of ridiculing or insulting your religious or spiritual beliefs and preventing you from practicing your religion of choice, using their religion or beliefs to manipulate or shame you, forcing your children to be raised in a faith that you have not agreed to, and using religious texts or beliefs to minimize or rationalize abusive behaviours.

Sexual

Any actual or threatened sexual contact without consent, such as unwanted touching, rape, exposure of genitals or making you view pornography against your will is sexual abuse. Situations consist of rape, including being forced to perform unwanted sexual acts, or to have sex with others, pressuring you to agree to sex, disclosing intimate knowledge, including threatening to share private photos or information about sexual orientation, expecting you to have sex as a form of reconciliation, having sex with you without your consent and unable to give consent due to age, ability or intoxication.

Coercive
Control

Being a form of psychological abuse, coercive control is very subtle and often introduced slowly. It is a strategic form of ongoing oppression intended to instill fear. Controlling tactics include isolating you from your support system by suggesting shared phone and social media accounts, moving you away from your family, fabricating lies about you to others and monitoring your conversations. Further methods involve monitoring your activity throughout the day with cameras or recording devices within your home, gaslighting you by making you question your own memory and demanding an apology, malicious and frequent criticism, reinforcing traditional gender roles, making jealous accusations, and efforts to turn your children against you by telling them you are a bad parent or belittling you in front of them.

Emotional
(Psychological)

Psychological or emotional abuse is the intentional use of words or actions to manipulate, hurt, or frighten you. These non-physical behaviours are intended to break down your self-esteem and self-worth to create a psychological dependency on the abuser. Examples include preventing you from seeing or communicating with friends or family, threatening to have your children taken away, damaging your property, threats, insults, constant monitoring or "checking in", excessive texting, gaslighting, humiliation, intimidation, isolation, or stalking.

Technology
Facilitated
(Cyberviolence)

This is a form of controlling behaviour that involves the use of digital tools to monitor, stalk, control, or harass you. Strategies in doing so may be sending abusive texts, emails or messages via social media, making continuous controlling or threatening phone calls, making you prove your location, checking your text messages, social media or internet activity, forbidding you from having a phone or limiting who you can contact, spying on, monitoring or stalking you through surveillance devices, and sharing intimate photos of you without your consent.

"It is only later [in the relationship], when the door to your home is locked, that you really start to learn what power and control look and feel like. That is when you learn that ‘I’ll always look after you,’ ‘I’ll never let you go,’ and ‘You’re mine for life’ can sound menacing, and are used as a warning over and over again"
–MP Rosie Duffield during second reading of Domestic Abuse Bill (October 2019)

Recognizing the Signs of Abuse

  • ​Extreme jealousy and possessiveness

  • Isolating you from friends and family

  • Controlling all the finances

  • Accusatory behaviour

  • Sabotaging or obstructing your ability to work

  • Harassment and stalking

  • Causing you minor to severe injury by a weapon or their body

  • Showing cruelty towards other family members such as children or animals

  • Demeaning, embarrassing or humiliating you publicly or privately

  • Using intimidation tactics and threats

  • Name calling

  • Extremely controlling behaviour

  • Forced sex or sexual acts

  • Destroying or hiding your belongings

  • Extreme criticism 

  • ​Tracking your location

  • Giving you "permission" to do things

  • Controlling or withholding contraception

  • ​Causing lack of confidence and self-esteem

  • Uncontrollable emotions and aggression

  • Emotional, financial or social exploitation

  • Narcissistic manipulation

  • Blame-shifting

  • Deliberately putting you in physically or emotionally vulnerable positions

  • Boundary violations

  • Monitoring your communications

  • Belittling your accomplishments

  • Dismissing your emotions

  • Gaslighting

  • Making uni-lateral decisions for all parties such as changing plans, or creating joint accounts or loans

  • Withholding affection as a form of punishment

  • Unpredictability

  • Coercing or intimidating you to spend all your time with them

  • Blackmail

  • Mood swings or unexpected outbursts

  • Deliberately picking fights​​

  • Insulting and trying to control your appearance

  • Abandoning you

Power and Control Wheel

The Power and Control Wheel is a tool used to illustrate various tactics an abuser employs to maintain power and control over their partners in abusive relationships. The wheel highlights that abuse goes far beyond physical violence and can include emotional, sexual and financial manipulation such as isolation, intimidation, and asserting traditional gender roles, among other methods. 

The outer ring represents physical and sexual violence, and the inner ring describes more subtle, ongoing controlling behaviours.

The Power and Control Wheel was created in 1984 in Duluth, Minnesota. The original wheel focused on male violence against women, however, the wheel is now understood to apply to all abusive relationships regardless of gender. 

This website is not intended to provide legal advice and should only be used for informational purposes. If you require legal services, you should consult a lawyer.

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