Impacts and Obstacles

Why do people stay in abusive relationships? Why won't they just leave?​​

• Fear - The end of a relationship can be a very dangerous time for a person experiencing abuse. The person causing harm may think they are losing control and may react much more violently. Research shows that a woman is most at risk for physical harm and death at the time of leaving an abusive partner, or in the short period after she leaves. On some level, then, she may in fact be safer by remaining in the relationship.

• Guilt – Having committed to their partner, and their life together, the victim will often feel a strong sense of guilt at the idea of leaving and starting over. 

• Stigma - It’s a difficult thing to admit the person you love is hurting you. Many victims fear the stigma and victim-blaming that often accompany acknowledgement of abuse.

• Finances - The victim may have reduced income or financial dependency on the abusive person. They may be a stay at home parent, experiencing economic control or sabotage, and cannot secure employment to support themselves and the children after leaving.  

• Children - A person may stay in a violent relationship for the sake of their children, believing they are better off with both parents.

• Lack of support - Being in an abusive relationship can be very isolating, and the person may not feel they have the necessary support from family or friends to take steps to leave.

• Love -  The person experiencing abuse may want the abuse to stop but not the relationship to end. Additionally, the cycle of abuse often includes a period of reconciliation where the person causing harm changes behaviour for a little while. They may be very sweet, attentive and loving. During this time, the person experiencing abuse may believe the abuse has stopped for good. 

• Manipulation - The person causing harm may threaten to hurt themselves, the person experiencing abuse or their children if the relationship ends.

• The person causing harm may be controlling and manipulating the other person. They may be telling the person experiencing abuse that no one will ever love them. These tactics can affect the person’s self-esteem. And eventually, the person may believe the statements.

• Normality - Over time, the victim most likely has become accustomed to the violent and abusive behaviour, making this environment their "normal". There may have been some things when they first met the abusive partner that wouldn't be tolerated, but slowly and overtime they look past some "little" things. After some time passes, these "little" things slowly creep into the normal routine and don't feel as shocking or unusual anymore. 
   

Often, the person experiencing abuse has made excuses for the actions of the abuser, and convinced themselves they cannot leave or it's their fault.